I HATE MESS.

[Feltwell]

I suppose actually I have got one worse than the Lego, and I can't blame the kids for this.

At my last house the burglar alarm went off at about 4am, due to a dodgy sensor it turned out. For those of you who have never had the experience, the internal sounder on a burglar alarm is extremely loud and piercing - so you go from fast asleep to wide awake in a nanosecond, and in my case the first thought was not "Where's the burglar?", it was "For Christ's sake turn that bl*&^dy noise off".

So I charge out onto the landing in the pitch black, nude, and promptly fall straight over a tool box I'd left there. Not just that, it was the cantilever type, full of very heavy tools - the bars that work the folding mechanism made contact with my toes, cutting them badly and tearing a nail out, before I go head first down the (mercifully) short flight of top stairs, before picking myself up, hobbling to the bottom and turning the alarm off.

At this point Mrs F appears, to the sight of a dishelleved, naked Mr F at the bottom of the stairs, hobbling around, swearing profusely and bleeding on the carpet.

I don't leave things at the top of the stairs any more!

 

[MdB]

When checking into a hotel room, make sure there isn't one of these in the room with you:

You never know, it may go off at 6:30am and take you from completely fast asleep to heart attack in a fraction of second. There was actually a fire so I guess I can't complain too much...

 

[JoceAndChris]

Loved reading the above stories! Some of you have stoicism in saintly proportions.

Better go to the doc and get the benzos upped; just noticed another modern alteration in the hallway that's thrown the Georgian symmetry off, and, even worse, one of the cat's whiskers is out of alignment! :lol:

 

[Penners]

I'm going to be lost this Christmas with out my acro props - where am I going to to put the tinsel. For the past three years we've had acro props up

Ah, memories - in one of our project houses we had an indoor washing line strung between two acrow props. And yes, at Christmas time the children decorated them.

 

[Penners]

you go from fast asleep to wide awake in a nanosecond

When the children were young, Mrs P and I were woken at 2.00am by a 5-yr-old son shaking her and saying, "It's all right, mummy. I've cleared it up."

That gets you bolt upright in pretty short order, I can tell you.

 

[Ushy M]

At this point Mrs F appears, to the sight of a dishelleved, naked Mr F at the bottom of the stairs, hobbling around, swearing profusely and bleeding on the carpet.

Bet you got told off for bleeding on the carpet before any sympathy!

Not painful, but being woken by tremendous bashing noise from the catflap, stumble downstairs barefoot to feel unpleasant, warm, moist sensation squishing between my toes which turns out to be the giblets from a fairly sizeable rabbit Tommy brought in.*



*I later found its regurgitated head...

 

[JoceAndChris]

What a kind boy, bringing you such lovely gifts. I hope you rewarded him with a nice dressed salmon or something.

 

[Tom]

no getting away from it for me atm.
and if you think this is bad , you want to see my garden.

I see your pile of rubble and raise you a bigger pile (in the dinning room)

I see your bigger pile of rubble and p*ss on it with my even bigger pile :lol: :lol: At least mine's in the garden

 

[JoceAndChris]

Jesus Christ, you lot are really revelling in all this mess! :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

It cheers me up immensely.

 

[Penners]

I see your bigger pile of rubble and p*ss on it with my even bigger pile

As self-appointed umpire, I hereby disqualify Jaqy's pile for being outdoors.



Good pile, though, Jaqy. Does every piece bear your fingernail marks?

 

[Penners]

you lot are really revelling in all this mess!

It's an ancient and traditionally British game, called Mess-Upmanship.

 

[Tom]

I see your bigger pile of rubble and p*ss on it with my even bigger pile

As self-appointed umpire, I hereby disqualify Jaqy's pile for being outdoors.

Sh*t !!!! I demand to see the rule book :evil:

 

[Penners]

Clearly I can't show it to you, but I have it right here, so I can quote:

Page 367, Paragraph 88:

"No pile of rubble, dross, rubbish, crap, jetsam, refuse, debris, junk, waste or litter shall be regarded as worthy of note or qualify for entry into the "My pile is higher than your pile, so nah nah na-nah nah" contest when such pile is located outdoors and/or in a position convenient for access by any wheeled vehicle."

Nah nah na-nah na.

 

[Tom]

Bl**dy H*ll.....I've half a mind to move it indoors just so I can qualify!!!

Is there a relevent section of this contest for outdoor piles?





(Come on, Penners.....don't let me down on this one!!!)

 

[Flyfisher]

Penners is very lucky to have a copy of N.F. Stovold’s definitive "Mess-Upmanship", which has been out of print for many years now.

Unfortunately, I only have a copy of Stovold's Mess-Upmanship Almanac 2002 so I can't be absolutely certain, but I'm fairly sure the quoted rule is only applicable under Trumpington's Variation. I've always understood that with standard rules, the Nash convention permits outdoor piles as a wildcard, which thus makes Jaqy's pile quite legal.

 

[middi]

WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH !!!!!!!!.


Mess, this is a different kettle of fish. The only advise I have on the subject is that on NO account you should get someone else to tidy up after you have created it, you could spend the rest of the day trying to find your tools

 

[Jon Maine]

I used to have large piles to boast of but no longer, I am not sure if my piles were bigger than your piles but I also had some inside and some out. Anyway all gone thankfully, and the nice man in the house next door said he could stop me getting more piles by relieving me of them in his field where he wishes to build a road. I have in the past buried them in a disused quarry, built a drive on a hillside for someone and If I get really stuck it can be delivered to the local recycling yard for free where they will crush and resell as graded aggregates.

 

[Tom]

...if I get really stuck it can be delivered to the local recycling yard for free where they will crush and resell as graded aggregates.

Aha, now you're touching on the purpose of my piles! When we get round to removing the concrete landing strip that is my drive and yard, I intend to hire a crusher and use the said piles (plus the removed concrete) to form the basis of a more fitting drive and yard. I wonder, does N.F. Stovold give any credence, or not, in the "My pile is higher than your pile, so nah nah na-nah nah" contest based on the final purpose of the piles?

 

[Jon Maine]

...if I get really stuck it can be delivered to the local recycling yard for free where they will crush and resell as graded aggregates.

Aha, now you're touching on the purpose of my piles! When we get round to removing the concrete landing strip that is my drive and yard, I intend to hire a crusher and use the said piles (plus the removed concrete) to form the basis of a more fitting drive and yard. I wonder, does N.F. Stovold give any credence, or not, in the "My pile is higher than your pile, so nah nah na-nah nah" contest based on the final purpose of the piles?

Bloody piles.

There are some excavators which have an attachment to crush hardcore, dependant upon quantity may be slower but possibly cheaper than hauling a larger crusher to site.

 

[judrop]

Surely 'mess' is just an issue of definition, just like 'weeds' really.

Besides, chaos (a fancy name for mess) is the natural order of things and it takes considerable energy to impose order on it.

:roll: Now we cant go wasting energy can we ??