Graham's Top Tips

[NT]

Seen some where else...

When you measure for your kitchen worktop height, make sure you allow enough room for the washing machine AND your choice of flooring.


NT

 

[skier-hughes]

We found that at our old house, when we decided to remove the carpet and................... fit a new carpet becuase the tiles we bought wouldn't fit


Don't, lay a new pathway with gravel when you have just got a second dog and they play like mad all over the front garden, running around sliding on the gravel which ends up all over the grass.

Luckily with the ducks and geese we don't have to mow this grass!!

 

[Jane Smith]

Never use a load of cut-price loose-fill loft insulation and then leave the attic doors open if you have four cats and it's cold and raining outside.

 

[DaveBrigg]

With fewer preservatives being used in food, you may find that fresh produce goes off in a couple of days, causing extra waste and expense. One easy solution to this is to buy a 16th C farmhouse with badly fitting doors, single glazed windows and lots of open chimneys. It may have a poorly functioning heating system already; if not, I can recommend a supplier. Hey presto - your food worries are over. Bottles of milk can be left open on the table for days, bread will stay fresh for weeks, and plums picked in the autumn will still be crisp in March.

 

[plumbers mate]

Doesn't have to be that old - a Victorian House will do fine - even with draught proofed windows. An illfitting 1980's back door is cheaper to run and is more efficient than any fridge.

Silly things not to do?
Well don't try this - When putting a piece of board into a fireplace chimney to cut down the amount of muck falling and draughts whistling (temporary fitting only) and then painting said piece of wood black, don't leave it flat on the kictchen table to dry and then put the washing from the machine straight onto the table.
Fortunately it was my black work-pants already covered with paint so it doesn't matter, but if it had been sheets, duvet covers, good clothes etc etc ... hmm. Good job there was no-one else around!

 

[Gervase]

Never underestimate the density of a Jack Russell. When said dog has already has burned to his pads from trotting through limecrete, to the point where he had to stand in a pool of dilute vinegar, don't think he'll have learned his lesson.
Idiot dog launched himself across another one this afternoon - resulting in footprints across the slab and another set of sizzling paws. Grrr!

 

[Moo]

I have one precious pamment that bears the paw-print of a long-deceased dog.

 

[Nemesis]

I think ninety nine percent of cement laid in this country must have paw prints.

 

[Jane Smith]

We have one precious wind-turbine foundation pad that bears the paw-prints of two exceptionally-dim dogs who are both sadly still with us. Anybody want a stout, elderly Staffy cross with his own agenda and a beautiful-but-dim porker who is ostensibly a retriever-german shepherd cross but probably has some seal in him?

 

[Nemesis]

Actually, that sounds a bit like I might describe the other half...

 

[NT]

If you're on a building site, never turn up so drunk that you end up peeing on the underground high voltage cable.

NT

No... I've never done it!

 

[wobs]

If you're on a building site, never turn up so drunk that you end up peeing on the underground high voltage cable.

NT

No... I've never done it!

They did something like that one mythbusters, but it was an electrified rail. Can anyone recall the outcome? was the myth busted?

I seem to recall there are gaps in the pee as it falls, so the current might not make it back up to erm "source".

 

[Gervase]

It does on an electric fence, I can tell you from painful personal experience!

 

[Becka]

i saw that mythbusters.. standing up it wasn't very plausible cos of gaps in the stream, but when they knelt the dummy down and repeated, he got a shock, so think they called it plausible.. but you'd have to be very dumb (and very drunk, which would probably increase the pressure behind the flow.. :OP )

 

[Juju]

When preparing to frame precious old family photographs, do not place them for safe keeping near a gap in the floorboards. Especially not in the room over a damp dark deep void and on floorboards which have been lovingly restored and will not benefit from being ripped up for retrieval. Oh, and then don't say to yourself, never mind, I'll retrieve them at a later date because you'll forget. And then you'll move house.

Yup, I moved house last week and never did retrieve them. So those lovely photos of my grandad at his scrap yard have been left there for posterity.

 

[Moo]

In which case, I think you should ask the new owners to post an explanatory postcard down the same gap. Then whoever discovers them will know what they are, who he is, and who to return them to.

 

[Lime]

In which case, I think you should ask the new owners to post an explanatory postcard down the same gap.

Oh, I can just imagine that........


"Dear new owners, could you please write a postcard and post it down your floorboards....... ":lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Moo]

I had something more along the lines of "Dear New Owners, [explanation as per posting here]. I've written some notes about the photos on the enclosed postcard......"

I know that if I were the new owner I'd be delighted to play Postman Pat in a good cause.

 

[skier-hughes]

Whe making new doors for your house, make sure you look at the old ones to see what you require.........................

Or you'll get beautiful hand crafted Oak doors and a cat sat by it meowing to go out........

No doubt it'll bring me back to my first post as without it's cat flap it'll go to the toilet in the sand!!!!!!!!!!!

Graham

 

[DaveBrigg]

A door frame plastered into position with the door closed will open afterwards. The opposite is not true.