Feeling defeated

[Zebra]

...also, ban the list! They're oppressive! Just do the next thing and only that.

 

[housewinnie]

Welcome here too. We can have cider which makes it all look better.

 

[Mrs McG]

Lists are a genuine mental health tool! When I have too much to do/remember my mind feels like a cloud of flies with their uniquely ugly buzzing sound. Every time I write something down on a list it’s like picking a fly out of the cloud and putting a pin in it. In the end there is blessed silence!

Contrarily I’m absolutely awful at finishing something, especially if it’s a big job, before starting something else. Small tasks become a welcome diversion from the monotony of bigger ones and I’ve made peace with the fact that my boredom threshold is so low as to be almost subterranean

 

[Toby Newell]

I’m sick of it. The endless work, the money pit, trying to do one job and finding 100 more. Meh. It’s not even like I wanted this house! It was just convenient to fit everyone in. In a fit of pique, I looked up my old childhood home. A beauty (Hartle Hall, Derbyshire, now called Harthill Hall. Prob always was officially , but to us and everyone around it was Hartle) We loved it, damp, ghosts and all. It’s now a spa hotel with holiday cottages I need a new old wreck, not this Victorian upstart. There would be the same problems, and worse, but for a much better cause and I feel like I’d actually want to put the work in. Has anyone given up and gone with their heart? Swapped a liveable, but still quite building site place for something that really speaks to you? Feel like I’m ranting, but I’m sure you will understand

Sorry to hear that, defeated is simply a state of mind, a £600 sander motor just let out the smoke, my air con packed up then a day later I hit a half metre by 100mm pothole that snapped my leaf spring and collapsed my balljoint, that was over £850 and loss of a weeks work.

Altogether it was about a -£5,000 week.

It can always be worse. Some people pay to restore period properties and have no hope of ever owning one.

 

[Dumsey]

I like to think I do have superpowers actually Full time job in a &e, single parent, carer of elder, amateur renovator Perhaps that all-inclusive week is more needed than I thought

You are doing amazingly, but you do need to look after yourself.
I spent many years working full time in a clinical NHS role with a 50 mile round trip, whilst also trying to keep the large Victorian house going, caring for my elderly mother and doing an MSc. You can't do any of those things without first looking after yourself, but we always put everyone else first and forget self-care. Unfortunately we often realise that we are burning out too late when things start crashing around us. It is alright to stop, take a break and breathe

 

[Lacan07]

Sorry to hear that, defeated is simply a state of mind, a £600 sander motor just let out the smoke, my air con packed up then a day later I hit a half metre by 100mm pothole that snapped my leaf spring and collapsed my balljoint, that was over £850 and loss of a weeks work.

Altogether it was about a -£5,000 week.

It can always be worse. Some people pay to restore period properties and have no hope of ever owning one.

It never rains but it pours, sorry to hear that Toby. The bloody roads are a disgrace.

 

[Lacan07]

I feel deeply ashamed of my list behaviour now.

Oooh is that a party invite? I bet we’re all miles apart from each other though. I’m not far from here but the creative mowing wasn’t anything to do with me, and sadly the killjoys scythed it out rather swiftly.

Only if the party is down the pub, I have only 2 chairs and one of those is plastic!

I'm in Surrey. I used to have a friend in Bath, its a lovely place.

 

[Lacan07]

Welcome here too. We can have cider which makes it all look better.

I haven't had a drink in so long I forgotten how to get drunk.

 

[malcolm]

We should have a meet up. A BBQ round here in Bedfordshire in the summer could work too. Maybe mid July. I kept a lot of the chairs from the pub. I'll start a separate thread for that rather than disturb this one. https://www.periodproperty.co.uk/fo...-15th-july-in-bedfordshire.17929/#post-239832

 

[Cassie]

Makes a change from conversations about damp...Here's my thoughts.

Happiness cannot be found by seeking, but is created as a by-product of meaning.
Meaning comes from suffering for a worthy cause.
So,
Renovate a place you love, which gives you meaning
Then stop trying to get things done; it's the doing not the finishing that provides the required dose of suffering to generate happiness (if only you can see it)


Or buy a new build and spend your money on yourself, like 99.9999% of the country

I’ll have to be in a coffin to get me into a new build

 

[Cassie]

I like the reverse list idea, give yourself a roll of honour!

Sometimes it's good to pause on the major, messy projects that 'really' need doing and pick some low-hanging fruit. Do a little job that simply makes something look or feel better somewhere visible or where you have some downtime.

Painting the inside of our back door and replacing its 1970s rim lock/plastic handle with something of quality didn't take that long. It wasn't a priority, the rest of the kitchen it's in is pretty rough, but we use it as our main door and can see it from the living room all evening. It's now a lovely, pintle hung, ledged period plank door. It feels good and substantial, it gives me confidence the rest of the kitchen can, one day, feel the same. Previously it was a dirty, drafty, crumbling security risk - amazing how a little, low priority cosmetic treatment can change your perception and give you a bit of a recharge...

Low hanging fruit-I like that. Woodchip removal is mangy, but mindless and the hall would look a lot better without it, and the 70s pub carpet I’ve insisted on leaving down until I’ve “finished”. I’m punishing myself with that depressing sight!

 

[Cassie]

Theres a notice board, made of old wine bottle corks, in our kitchen upon which is a collation of file cards with each of these labelled for the rooms of the house, the various outbuildings and garden. Upon these the First Lady maintains a one line item for each of the things 'we' need to do. These are the items I delight in striking through with a black felt tip - when I have inadvertently done one of them.

I, on the other hand, maintain a similar board in my study which is home to little mementoes of the places we've been to, the things we have seen there, the food, the wine. I may be a trifle more sybaritic than most but, ce la vie.

I could plaster a whole wall in wine corks. Sadly not many happy momentos to stick on it currently So tragic-I need to get out more!!

 

[Cassie]

100% agree, squaring away the things that slowly grind on your nerves day to day will free up mental bandwidth for the big stuff.

You only have a finite amount of energy and decision making capacity in a given 24 hours, so making everything else as low stress as possible always helps

Better try and tidy up the dumping ground kitchen then. It’s a very sorry sight. And probably a health hazard. Haven’t got the money or time to do a proper kitchen yet, but a decent tidy/get rid of the vast amount of things I’ve been saving for a future possible use would be good

 

[Cassie]

...also, ban the list! They're oppressive! Just do the next thing and only that.

There are sooo many next things. I should stop looking to far ahead-clearly that way madness lies!

 

[Cassie]

It's worth a bit of care. My sister is a single mother who works as a consultant in A&E and doesn't even have a house to restore. I was amazed how she kept things going until one day she didn't. After some time off she reduced her working hours to 3 days a week (roughly the same as full time hours for everyone else). There is only so much you can do and it's bad to forget to take care of yourself.

You don't finish anything until you get to the end of a project. Everything depends on everything else so you can't finish anything until the other stuff is done. I've been in my place 10 years. I've not been slacking too much but the first finished decoration will be the second coat of paint I plan to apply to a ceiling tomorrow. From there it should be more fun because the chandeliers can go up.

As others have said it's fine to take a break. My breaks have been as long as a year. The important thing is to take care of yourself above whatever the house wants. Forget the house. Canary Islands are nice this time of year. If you do decide to sell you can change the work plan to get to a sellable condition.

If you do buy a new place don't buy anything with 'hall' in the name. I made the mistake of buying a place with more space than I need. That means more floors. walls, roofs, plastering to fix. There's more of everything than can sensibly be done on a DIY basis. One room upstairs and one room downstairs is a lot better. You can sleep the kids in the inglenook where it's nice and warm.

Thank you There’s a good chance I know your sister- a &e is a small world Realistically, I’m stuck here, I just need to fall in love with it, it’s got a lot going for it! I’ll try some easy wins, spend some time in the garden, and take a bit of time to reevaluate

 

[Cassie]

Exactly this.

This is something people looking in from the outside don't really understand and made worse with old houses and when you can't necessarily send in tradesmen all the time.

Can’t send in tradesmen at all with any reliability. Teeth sucking and extortionate quotes tell me they don’t want the job. Good job I’m upskilling myself! Luckily I’ve found a good electrician, so I won’t die by my sword

 

[Cassie]

I've been through that despair... when will it all be over.... living in a building site...a liveable state (what anyone else would call habitable) felt so impossibly far off and the house was taking up my every ounce of energy* ..... I made a similarly anguished cry on here once and was similarly advised to take a break. You're doing amazingly well, and the house will be patiently waiting when you feel ready to return to it.
*why is energy measured in imperial not metric?

Thank you zebra, good to know I’m not alone!! In fact I think it was you that said I should look at this group as a life raft when doing dodgy diy-an excellent suggestion

 

[Cassie]

You are a superb bunch. Thank you for giving me a leg up out of the mire. Very much appreciated (and sorry for the late night activity-shift work!)

 

[Cubist]

I could plaster a whole wall in wine corks. Sadly not many happy momentos to stick on it currently So tragic-I need to get out more!!

Far better than any of the other other 'insulation materials' typically discussed here too.... and it provides a little inner warmth as you build the store of the base material.

 

[Zebra]

Better try and tidy up the dumping ground kitchen then. It’s a very sorry sight. And probably a health hazard. Haven’t got the money or time to do a proper kitchen yet, but a decent tidy/get rid of the vast amount of things I’ve been saving for a future possible use would be good

This was my kitchen for about 5 years.....if it makes you feel any better...