Feeling defeated

[Lacan07]

Ha ha, I’m in the Quentin crisp school-after 3 years the dust doesn’t get any thicker

I think it was Friedrich Nietzsche who said 'what dust doesn't kill you only makes you stronger', bearing in mind my temporary kitchen is blessed with the holy trinity of old houses - soot, lead paint, and asbestos - I reckon I must be Superman by now.

I hate the dust & dirt but i also hate having to clear up every time after i do something, it just seems pointless so I get lazy with it.

 

[RBailey]

I get a lot of joy from lists (in excel), every job done is a step forward and when a whole tab is done its a great feeling.
Enjoy the wins and don't dwell on the time still ahead to reach the end.

Cheers,
Richard B.

 

[Cubist]

I like to think I do have superpowers actually Full time job in a &e, single parent, carer of elder, amateur renovator Perhaps that all-inclusive week is more needed than I thought

Cubist

 

[Cassie]

Yep almost a year into our adventure and have the same thoughts daily. Love the house and part of me thinks should have moved in and lived with all the rot etc and it would have probably seen us out.. Up and down the roof at the moment finding more and more rot...

Never ending isn’t it? At least you love your house though

 

[Cassie]

I get a lot of joy from lists (in excel), every job done is a step forward and when a whole tab is done its a great feeling.
Enjoy the wins and don't dwell on the time still ahead to reach the end.

Cheers,
Richard B.

Good advice Richard. I need a better list. Vague things like “get a bathroom” and “fix roof” are perhaps a tad vague. It comes back to the eating of elephants doesn’t it? Small chunks at a time

 

[Cassie]

Cubist

Thank you Cubist Realistically I can’t give up, so in this morning’s rather grey light, I’m not feeling quite so bad about it all. I think I’ll finish the curtains for my bedroom today since it’s too miserable for gardening-at least then I won’t get woken at dawn every day

 

[Cassie]

I think it was Friedrich Nietzsche who said 'what dust doesn't kill you only makes you stronger', bearing in mind my temporary kitchen is blessed with the holy trinity of old houses - soot, lead paint, and asbestos - I reckon I must be Superman by now.

I hate the dust & dirt but i also hate having to clear up every time after i do something, it just seems pointless so I get lazy with it.

Laziness? Or good time management?? I’m going with the latter

 

[Cubist]

I positively, absolutely and with a vehemence, utterly despise lists!

For far too long they ruled my life. dictated what was done, when, how and more often than I care to recollect, to whom.

The First Lady on the other hand absolutely adores them and is seldom to be found without at least one near to hand. On the contrary to what some may suspect though, this does not produce conflict or upset. Long ago we reached a happy compromise insofar that she makes the lists, I ignore them, and then check off the things that got done by accident.

 

[Cassie]

I positively, absolutely and with a vehemence, utterly despise lists!

For far too long they ruled my life. dictated what was done, when, how and more often than I care to recollect, to whom.

The First Lady on the other hand absolutely adores them and is seldom to be found without at least one near to hand. On the contrary to what some may suspect though, this does not produce conflict or upset. Long ago we reached a happy compromise insofar that she makes the lists, I ignore them, and then check off the things that got done by accident.

I make lists then don’t complete them causing me to feel depressed about my inability to finish anything. Perhaps I need a reverse list. If I ever happen to finish something, I could write it on a list and put a big tick by it as a form of affirmation. And probably stick it on the fridge

 

[Drayton]

I make lists then don’t complete them causing me to feel depressed about my inability to finish anything. Perhaps I need a reverse list. If I ever happen to finish something, I could write it on a list and put a big tick by it as a form of affirmation. And probably stick it on the fridge


Absolutely - that's what I meant by having a list of jobs you've done rather than one of things still to be done. Every tiny thing completed is progress (and an excuse for a celebration).

It is very easy to forget quite how much has been achieved already.

 

[Cubist]

I make lists then don’t complete them causing me to feel depressed about my inability to finish anything. Perhaps I need a reverse list. If I ever happen to finish something, I could write it on a list and put a big tick by it as a form of affirmation. And probably stick it on the fridge

Theres a notice board, made of old wine bottle corks, in our kitchen upon which is a collation of file cards with each of these labelled for the rooms of the house, the various outbuildings and garden. Upon these the First Lady maintains a one line item for each of the things 'we' need to do. These are the items I delight in striking through with a black felt tip - when I have inadvertently done one of them.

I, on the other hand, maintain a similar board in my study which is home to little mementoes of the places we've been to, the things we have seen there, the food, the wine. I may be a trifle more sybaritic than most but, ce la vie.

 

[mardinor]

Makes a change from conversations about damp...Here's my thoughts.

Happiness cannot be found by seeking, but is created as a by-product of meaning.
Meaning comes from suffering for a worthy cause.
So,
Renovate a place you love, which gives you meaning
Then stop trying to get things done; it's the doing not the finishing that provides the required dose of suffering to generate happiness (if only you can see it)


Or buy a new build and spend your money on yourself, like 99.9999% of the country

 

[noj]

I like the reverse list idea, give yourself a roll of honour!

Sometimes it's good to pause on the major, messy projects that 'really' need doing and pick some low-hanging fruit. Do a little job that simply makes something look or feel better somewhere visible or where you have some downtime.

Painting the inside of our back door and replacing its 1970s rim lock/plastic handle with something of quality didn't take that long. It wasn't a priority, the rest of the kitchen it's in is pretty rough, but we use it as our main door and can see it from the living room all evening. It's now a lovely, pintle hung, ledged period plank door. It feels good and substantial, it gives me confidence the rest of the kitchen can, one day, feel the same. Previously it was a dirty, drafty, crumbling security risk - amazing how a little, low priority cosmetic treatment can change your perception and give you a bit of a recharge...

 

[a twig]

100% agree, squaring away the things that slowly grind on your nerves day to day will free up mental bandwidth for the big stuff.

You only have a finite amount of energy and decision making capacity in a given 24 hours, so making everything else as low stress as possible always helps

 

[malcolm]

It's worth a bit of care. My sister is a single mother who works as a consultant in A&E and doesn't even have a house to restore. I was amazed how she kept things going until one day she didn't. After some time off she reduced her working hours to 3 days a week (roughly the same as full time hours for everyone else). There is only so much you can do and it's bad to forget to take care of yourself.

You don't finish anything until you get to the end of a project. Everything depends on everything else so you can't finish anything until the other stuff is done. I've been in my place 10 years. I've not been slacking too much but the first finished decoration will be the second coat of paint I plan to apply to a ceiling tomorrow. From there it should be more fun because the chandeliers can go up.

As others have said it's fine to take a break. My breaks have been as long as a year. The important thing is to take care of yourself above whatever the house wants. Forget the house. Canary Islands are nice this time of year. If you do decide to sell you can change the work plan to get to a sellable condition.

If you do buy a new place don't buy anything with 'hall' in the name. I made the mistake of buying a place with more space than I need. That means more floors. walls, roofs, plastering to fix. There's more of everything than can sensibly be done on a DIY basis. One room upstairs and one room downstairs is a lot better. You can sleep the kids in the inglenook where it's nice and warm.

 

[Lacan07]

You don't finish anything until you get to the end of a project. Everything depends on everything else so you can't finish anything until the other stuff is done.

Exactly this.

This is something people looking in from the outside don't really understand and made worse with old houses and when you can't necessarily send in tradesmen all the time.

 

[LadyArowana]

I get a lot of joy from lists (in excel), every job done is a step forward and when a whole tab is done its a great feeling.
Enjoy the wins and don't dwell on the time still ahead to reach the end.

Cheers,
Richard B.

I love a good list, so much so that I have been known to add a task I’m about to finish to it just for the joy of crossing it off 5mins later…….. Is that bad?

It’s a shame we are all from different parts of the country and so don’t know each other in real life, a good day of getting together at someone’s project for a few hours of helping each other would be nice.

 

[Lacan07]

I love a good list, so much so that I have been known to add a task I’m about to finish to it just for the joy of crossing it off 5mins later…….. Is that bad?

It’s a shame we are all from different parts of the country and so don’t know each other in real life, a good day of getting together at someone’s project for a few hours of helping each other would be nice.

Yes, that's bad.

You're all welcome at mine, we can sit in the jungle, er I mean garden, and sip tea.

 

[LadyArowana]

Yes, that's bad.

You're all welcome at mine, we can sit in the jungle, er I mean garden, and sip tea.

I feel deeply ashamed of my list behaviour now.

Oooh is that a party invite? I bet we’re all miles apart from each other though. I’m not far from here but the creative mowing wasn’t anything to do with me, and sadly the killjoys scythed it out rather swiftly.

 

[Zebra]

I've been through that despair... when will it all be over.... living in a building site...a liveable state (what anyone else would call habitable) felt so impossibly far off and the house was taking up my every ounce of energy* ..... I made a similarly anguished cry on here once and was similarly advised to take a break. You're doing amazingly well, and the house will be patiently waiting when you feel ready to return to it.
*why is energy measured in imperial not metric?