Feeling defeated

[Cassie]

I’m sick of it. The endless work, the money pit, trying to do one job and finding 100 more. Meh. It’s not even like I wanted this house! It was just convenient to fit everyone in. In a fit of pique, I looked up my old childhood home. A beauty (Hartle Hall, Derbyshire, now called Harthill Hall. Prob always was officially , but to us and everyone around it was Hartle) We loved it, damp, ghosts and all. It’s now a spa hotel with holiday cottages I need a new old wreck, not this Victorian upstart. There would be the same problems, and worse, but for a much better cause and I feel like I’d actually want to put the work in. Has anyone given up and gone with their heart? Swapped a liveable, but still quite building site place for something that really speaks to you? Feel like I’m ranting, but I’m sure you will understand

 

[Lacan07]

You're not alone Cassie, I often wonder if I made the right decision buying this place. Part of me loves it and part of me wishes I'd just bought a nice ready finished flat in my favourite (unaffordable) town in close proximity to all my friends and a vibrant pub scene. And the deepest parts of my heart will always be with the late 60's 3 bed semi I grew up in, if I were to die tomorrow put me in a nondescript 60's semi with bland off white walls, barely offensive wallpaper, and rubbish, chintzy art on the walls.

Sometimes my heart catches up with me, and then I run away again.

 

[Cassie]

You're not alone Cassie, I often wonder if I made the right decision buying this place. Part of me loves it and part of me wishes I'd just bought a nice ready finished flat in my favourite (unaffordable) town in close proximity to all my friends and a vibrant pub scene. And the deepest parts of my heart will always be with the late 60's 3 bed semi I grew up in, if I were to die tomorrow put me in a nondescript 60's semi with bland off white walls, barely offensive wallpaper, and rubbish, chintzy art on the walls.

Sometimes my heart catches up with me, and then I run away again.

I don’t think I’d ever want a nice ready finished place. Although I can see the attraction for my bank balance! I crave the oldness and history. The 1870 place I’ve got just isn’t doing it for me, lovely though it is

 

[Drayton]

When did you last have a holiday?

 

[Cassie]

When did you last have a holiday?

Crikey, don’t know! My annual leave is an opportunity to work on the house. Then I go back to work just as knackered as I was but with more holes in me I see where you’re going with this…., but, I think the problem is my heart isn’t really in this house. Which makes me sad, but maybe I should cut my losses (emotionally, not financially!) and put my back into something I really, really love

 

[Drayton]

There's a number of threads on here across the years starting with anguished cries of 'what have I done/I can't do this/how do I escape?'

You might well be in the wrong house but you don't sound to be in the right frame of mind to decide at the moment? Winter's just finishing, you are knackered. Take the advice I am sure you would offer to others - take time off from the house and do some of the things you enjoy doing, especially any that take you out of the house, whether for hours or days. Reassess later in the summer.

OK, lecture over!

 

[mims&pip]

I feel your pain Cassie

We did back-to-back, mainly DIY restorations of -

1) a gorgeous (imho) sprawling late Victorian villa (took ten years to complete)

2) an unusual Tudor house that had previously been dismantled and rebuilt in a new location

3) a large Georgian thatched house

Then we moved to what in theory was my dream house. It was a downsize, but a lovely Arts and Crafts style detached place that suited the collection of furniture and decorative objects we'd been collecting over the years.

For some curious reason (probably being burnt out - not helped by losing three parents to dementia between us over a period of three years - although we didn't consider this at the time) our heart wasn't in it and after three years of stripping woodchip wallpaper (it was even inside the cupboards, on the undersides of shelves!) and replastering, we gave up and sold it at a loss.

Instead we bought a 400 year old stone former mill that I hated with a passion on first sight. Five years on and my how I regret selling the dream house! We've made masses of progress and changes to this (non-listed) place, but - despite acknowledging that it's vastly improved - I still loathe it and hate living here.

Lack of holidays is definitely a contributory factor, I think - we've had one actual break away (a week in Devon in 2015) since 2006 - and we're both exhausted from the whole renovation malarkey. In fact, Pip is off this week, but - not helped by the fact I'm laid up with a badly sprained ankle so can only 'supervise' - it's been hard labour 24/7 for him.

I think if your heart isn't in it - and you don't think you'd face too big a loss (and preferably none at all!) - I'd be considering offloading your current place and looking for something you love

Mims x

 

[Cassie]

There's a number of threads on here across the years starting with anguished cries of 'what have I done/I can't do this/how do I escape?'

You might well be in the wrong house but you don't sound to be in the right frame of mind to decide at the moment? Winter's just finishing, you are knackered. Take the advice I am sure you would offer to others - take time off from the house and do some of the things you enjoy doing, especially any that take you out of the house, whether for hours or days. Reassess later in the summer.

OK, lecture over!

Thank you Drayton. I know of course you are right. I can’t actually move due to infirm mother, who was the reason I got this house in the first place-it had room for her to live semi-independently. I’ve been attacking the “garden” of late. Good for my soul. I haven’t done the wrong thing with a renovation project, always lived in old houses, happy with the general sense of decay and devastation. This just isn’t “the one”

 

[Lacan07]

I feel your pain Cassie

We did back-to-back, mainly DIY restorations of -

1) a gorgeous (imho) sprawling late Victorian villa (took ten years to complete)

2) an unusual Tudor house that had previously been dismantled and rebuilt in a new location

3) a large Georgian thatched house

Then we moved to what in theory was my dream house. It was a downsize, but a lovely Arts and Crafts style detached place that suited the collection of furniture and decorative objects we'd been collecting over the years.

For some curious reason (probably being burnt out - not helped by losing three parents to dementia between us over a period of three years - although we didn't consider this at the time) our heart wasn't in it and after three years of stripping woodchip wallpaper (it was even inside the cupboards, on the undersides of shelves!) and replastering, we gave up and sold it at a loss.

Instead we bought a 400 year old stone former mill that I hated with a passion on first sight. Five years on and my how I regret selling the dream house! We've made masses of progress and changes to this (non-listed) place, but - despite acknowledging that it's vastly improved - I still loathe it and hate living here.

Lack of holidays is definitely a contributory factor, I think - we've had one actual break away (a week in Devon in 2015) since 2006 - and we're both exhausted from the whole renovation malarkey. In fact, Pip is off this week, but - not helped by the fact I'm laid up with a badly sprained ankle so can only 'supervise' - it's been hard labour 24/7 for him.

I think if your heart isn't in it - and you don't think you'd face too big a loss (and preferably none at all!) - I'd be considering offloading your current place and looking for something you love

Mims x

I think the lack of holidays, or at least time doing stuff you enjoy, is a definitely what breaks you. I used to have hobbies and interests but most of that has been squeezed out of my brain to make way for 'old house renovation database'.

 

[Cassie]

I feel your pain Cassie

We did back-to-back, mainly DIY restorations of -

1) a gorgeous (imho) sprawling late Victorian villa (took ten years to complete)

2) an unusual Tudor house that had previously been dismantled and rebuilt in a new location

3) a large Georgian thatched house

Then we moved to what in theory was my dream house. It was a downsize, but a lovely Arts and Crafts style detached place that suited the collection of furniture and decorative objects we'd been collecting over the years.

For some curious reason (probably being burnt out - not helped by losing three parents to dementia between us over a period of three years - although we didn't consider this at the time) our heart wasn't in it and after three years of stripping woodchip wallpaper (it was even inside the cupboards, on the undersides of shelves!) and replastering, we gave up and sold it at a loss.

Instead we bought a 400 year old stone former mill that I hated with a passion on first sight. Five years on and my how I regret selling the dream house! We've made masses of progress and changes to this (non-listed) place, but - despite acknowledging that it's vastly improved - I still loathe it and hate living here.

Lack of holidays is definitely a contributory factor, I think - we've had one actual break away (a week in Devon in 2015) since 2006 - and we're both exhausted from the whole renovation malarkey. In fact, Pip is off this week, but - not helped by the fact I'm laid up with a badly sprained ankle so can only 'supervise' - it's been hard labour 24/7 for him.

I think if your heart isn't in it - and you don't think you'd face too big a loss (and preferably none at all!) - I'd be considering offloading your current place and looking for something you love

Mims x

Thanks Mims I don’t think we’d face a loss (I live in a nice seaside town in Devon, and just by doing some basic roof/gutter/plastering/heating/ jungle clearance, I think we’d make money on what we paid as a bargain price before everything escalated!) Maybe now’s not the right time, with mum and everything, but I’m going to look and just see what’s out there. I can dream! But Drayton and you are probably right- I need a holiday! (Was going to make a functional shower room, but hey, cold and mould never killed anyone right?! )

 

[Cassie]

I think the lack of holidays, or at least time doing stuff you enjoy, is a definitely what breaks you. I used to have hobbies and interests but most of that has been squeezed out of my brain to make way for 'old house renovation database'.

I do appraisals at work. I did one this afternoon for a guy that was working a ridiculous schedule, nothing outside work, burnt out. He decided enough was enough, halved his job plan and took up an RHS horticulture course . This was the proudest thing he brought to the appraisal, the rest of his CPD was just dull by comparison. We spent the appraisal talking about gardening

 

[Drayton]

I was going to suggest gardening but for some people that's no help at all! Sounds as though you actually have your plan there, then. Given you don't need to live in a 'done' house, treat this one as temporary, which it is likley to be, and rather than seeing anything you do to it as just a tiny thing off the (ever-growing) list of jobs required, take each one as a straightforward gain. So, no list of things to do, just a list of things done. Nothing done for a while? No problem.

And take as much 'you' time as you can. You'll need to be in good shape when a house does sing to you, after all?

(And, when you do want to scream, just pop along here and let rip!)

 

[Cassie]

I was going to suggest gardening but for some people that's no help at all! Sounds as though you actually have your plan there, then. Given you don't need to live in a 'done' house, treat this one as temporary, which it is likley to be, and rather than seeing anything you do to it as just a tiny thing off the (ever-growing) list of jobs required, take each one as a straightforward gain. So, no list of things to do, just a list of things done. Nothing done for a while? No problem.

And take as much 'you' time as you can. You'll need to be in good shape when a house does sing to you, after all?

(And, when you do want to scream, just pop along here and let rip!)

I certainly will shout out!
The garden needs as much work as the house, especially if I’m thinking about selling at some point, and I actually really love pottering about out there. If only the guilt about the house didn’t keep biting my arse I work an annualised rota and after tagging on some leave, I’ve got a clear 6 weeks off around September. I think I’ll make a plan of some of the things that are really doing my head in and try and at least finish something. Other than that, I’ve agreed to go on holiday for a week with mum. God help me. I’ll be glad to get back to the house

 

[a twig]

Not sure what the overall state of your restoration is, but for us having a bedroom and a day room fully "done" does wonders for having somewhere to escape to when you've downed tools, that is warm, cosy and reminds you what the whole house will be like when you get there.

 

[Drayton]

Brilliant. Six weeks is a decent amount of time. That 'finish something' is crucial, for sure.

(Guilt about the house...? You can only do one thing at a time - alongside work, family etc etc... - and the garden needs doing. It's not your fault you don't have treble-strength superpowers, after all..)

 

[Cassie]

Brilliant. Six weeks is a decent amount of time. That 'finish something' is crucial, for sure.

(Guilt about the house...? You can only do one thing at a time - alongside work, family etc etc... - and the garden needs doing. It's not your fault you don't have treble-strength superpowers, after all..)

I like to think I do have superpowers actually Full time job in a &e, single parent, carer of elder, amateur renovator Perhaps that all-inclusive week is more needed than I thought

 

[Cassie]

Not sure what the overall state of your restoration is, but for us having a bedroom and a day room fully "done" does wonders for having somewhere to escape to when you've downed tools, that is warm, cosy and reminds you what the whole house will be like when you get there.

I’ve done a quick and dirty job on the lounge-got a fire, telly and wallpaper didn’t address the bouncy floor (for another time) but solved the damp with a new porch roof. So have one escape room, albeit dust ridden. Housework other than a hygiene bleach around the bog and kitchen seems like wasted effort I’ve also half done my bedroom, fixed the walls, ceiling and floor and painted/wallpapered. No curtains and furniture awaiting restoration, but I’ve got an eye mask and I don’t need clothes other than scrubs for work and multipurpose diy/gardening gear which can live in a heap for now

 

[Drayton]

I like to think I do have superpowers actually Full time job in a &e, single parent, carer of elder, amateur renovator Perhaps that all-inclusive week is more needed than I thought

I had gathered you had superpowers from previous posts - I'd credited you with double but doubted you had treble. My mistake, clearly, my humble apologies!

ETA I'm with you on the housework!

 

[Cassie]

I had gathered you had superpowers from previous posts - I'd credited you with double but doubted you had treble. My mistake, clearly, my humble apologies!

ETA I'm with you on the housework!

Ha ha, I’m in the Quentin crisp school-after 3 years the dust doesn’t get any thicker

 

[housewinnie]

Yep almost a year into our adventure and have the same thoughts daily. Love the house and part of me thinks should have moved in and lived with all the rot etc and it would have probably seen us out.. Up and down the roof at the moment finding more and more rot...