Off Topic - The Mid-Life Crisis and it's practical application

[Feltwell]

So, at the grand old age of 50, I think the mid-life crisis has finally arrived. What are the tell tale signs?

Have I started dying my hair? No, quite happy to be going grey.

Wearing a toupe? Nope, the greying hair is all my own, no toupe ever looked this bad anyway.

Chasing younger women? I had trouble enough catching them when I was young myself, let alone now, Mrs F is quite safe. Or stuck with me, depending on perspective!

Motorbikes and sports cars? I've always had motorbikes, and I have got 2 slightly stupid cars, so perhaps - but it's not a new thing. I like speed. Of the kinetic rather than chemical variety.

No, I've decided to jack my career in - having been unhappy for a long while, I left my employer earlier this year and after considerable reflection and some deliberate time out, I am not returning to the corporate grind. I've had enough of being stuck in the middle of cultural clashes, had enough of working on things that I believe have no value just because someone senior decrees they should be done. It's soul-destroying. Had enough of senior people thinking that aggression will compensate for their lack of competence. Had enough of egos. Had enough of the politics. Had enough of working just to further someone else's shareholdings.

Alas, I'm a little early to retire yet but an opportunity has presented itself which is established and quite low-risk and can be ran from home, taking over from someone else doing the same thing who is retiring. I won't get rich, but I should have enough - might have to do another 2-5 years over working in my previous role, but will hopefully be happier and this can be ran with part time, flexible hours - depending on how hard I want to push it.

Glamorous? No, definitely not. Will it drive me insane being at home all the time? Who knows - not sure anyone could tell the difference anyway!

A risk - Yes, of course, but I came to the conclusion that life is too short to be stressed and unhappy all the time.

You never know, I might even get some "nice" - rather than structural - jobs finished on the house!

 

[Cubist]

We all get just one turn of the wheel and its far, far better when its you doing the turning. Speaking as one who has seemingly 'read the same book, seen the same movie, bought the same tee shirt' I can tell you you've done the right thing. Better that its you rolling your life's die than others doing it for you. It can be tough, and there may be some rough patches, but when you look back, there will be few real regrets - better to have your own hands on the wheel than someone who has no idea where you want be. Good luck and smooth sailing.

 

[RBailey]

Good luck and well done Feltwell.
I made a conscious decision to step back from a senior management role back into a "doing" role and I'm much happier now.
You have to love what your doing and strike the right work / life balance.

 

[mims&pip]

Good luck with the new venture/rest of your life Feltwell Sounds like you've thought things through and have a workable plan!

Pip did something similar aged 43 (we took the opportunity to also sell our 'big' Victorian house of 3500 sq ft, pay off the crippling mortgage, downsize to be mortgage-free and relocate to a different part of the UK at the same time - which, with the benefit of hindsight, was probably too much too soon, as we soon upsized again ) and career-wise at least it was the right decision....

Mims x

 

[LadyArowana]

Have you got a nice man-cave to work in? Exciting times, congratulations!

 

[Zebra]

Congratulations Feltwell and well done, and I wish you you every joy in your new venture.

 

[Feltwell]

Thanks all!

My father-in-law was at a similar stage in life to me - kids just off to University - when he jacked it all in at 42 to start his own business. He took a huge risk though, re-mortgaging the family home to finance it, which I'm absolutely not doing - worst case for me if it all goes wrong is I've lost some money and have to get a job quickly, but to be honest I'd struggle not to at least get my investment back. Worked out well for father-in-law in the end, took about 10 years of struggle though which I can't afford to do. It made him happier though, alas he was only retired on the proceeds for 6 months before going to meet his maker at age 65. Big difference with what I'm doing is I'm taking on something which someone else has already made work for them.

Man cave - ahh, now that's part of the issue! I need to buy and store stock to support this venture, so my attic study will be getting racked out. Stairs will keep me fit! Some will need to go in the garage as well, trouble that is full of essential man-toys in various states of road worthiness. I've got an old Rover V8 engine sat attached to a crane that I now need to urgently finish and get back in a kit car!

As Cubist says, we get one turn of the wheel. I had a cousin 7 days younger than me who died suddenly not long ago, which focusses the mind somewhat, especially when my health has been a bit patchy. Time to take the risk, do something different and see if it works or not!

 

[a twig]

Good on you. Similar to your father in law, I have had several friends and colleagues flog themselves into the ground and then not get to enjoy much of their retirement.

As a result I’m determined to get out as early as possible, so planning / investing accordingly.

Well done for getting off the treadmill - hope it goes well!

 

[Lacan07]

Thanks all!

My father-in-law was at a similar stage in life to me - kids just off to University - when he jacked it all in at 42 to start his own business. He took a huge risk though, re-mortgaging the family home to finance it, which I'm absolutely not doing - worst case for me if it all goes wrong is I've lost some money and have to get a job quickly, but to be honest I'd struggle not to at least get my investment back. Worked out well for father-in-law in the end, took about 10 years of struggle though which I can't afford to do. It made him happier though, alas he was only retired on the proceeds for 6 months before going to meet his maker at age 65. Big difference with what I'm doing is I'm taking on something which someone else has already made work for them.

Man cave - ahh, now that's part of the issue! I need to buy and store stock to support this venture, so my attic study will be getting racked out. Stairs will keep me fit! Some will need to go in the garage as well, trouble that is full of essential man-toys in various states of road worthiness. I've got an old Rover V8 engine sat attached to a crane that I now need to urgently finish and get back in a kit car!

As Cubist says, we get one turn of the wheel. I had a cousin 7 days younger than me who died suddenly not long ago, which focusses the mind somewhat, especially when my health has been a bit patchy. Time to take the risk, do something different and see if it works or not!

Nice one m8, my brother effectively retired a few years back. I always think its good to be doing something though, anything, to keep the grey cells ticking over. You obviously have lots of interests / hobbies to keep you busy.

 

[jmo]

Good luck and well done Feltwell.
I made a conscious decision to step back from a senior management role back into a "doing" role and I'm much happier now.
You have to love what your doing and strike the right work / life balance.

If you're a competent person with a work ethic, doing beats managing any day. Unhappily, you're more likely to be promoted to a management role if you're like that...

 

[RBailey]

If you're a competent person with a work ethic, doing beats managing any day. Unhappily, you're more likely to be promoted to a management role if you're like that...

So true, my hats of to managers, managing people sucks.

I am a marine engineer and the best managers (but not necessarily the best engineers) I know are ex Navy as the Navy actually train people to be managers (aka Officers).

 

[eezageeza]

Well done, a decision well made!

I did much the same at 45, and never regretted it. Retired properly now, and undoubtedly poorer than I would have been if I'd hung in with the corporate career, but I don't regret dropping out and going it alone for a second!

 

[TudorCottage]

Well done and good luck.

I’ve been self employed for over 30 years and for most of that time it’s been an enjoyable experience.

Some of my customers seem to think it’s acceptable to take 90 days to pay me, but I have enough good customers to get me through.

I’ll have to work longer into old age, but caveat that with the fact I’ve been semi retired since my late 40’s so that’s no real hardship. That’s largely due to the fact that despite having contributed large amounts to a private pension it hasn’t really met expectations, especially in the current economic climate.

I do occasionally look at my brother and his non contributory handsome corporate pension with envy, but have never regretted the path I chose.

 

[FamilyWiggs]

Well done Feltwell. I did similar at 48, 18 months ago - best decision I ever made. Stress has plummeted and fitness has shot up. Now so busy on the house I don’t know how I ever found the time to work!

I left NHS management after 26 years and the ever-fragrant MrsW gave up her GP practice. It helps that the kids are now off the books at uni (ha, as if they are ever off the books!) and the mortgage is paid off.

I built an off-grid glamping site in one of our fields which I run in the summer, and MrsW does some GP locum work. We spend the rest of our time travelling, enjoying each other’s company and working on the house/farm.

It’s been quite an adjustment from two good salaries - especially as my income is very seasonal. We aren’t greedy though - just want to earn enough to fill the Moho with diesel and some meals out whilst we are away. Living more frugally and sustainably is actually quite fun - and definitely the zeitgeist in this economic climate.

A man cave/workshop is essential. I probably spent more time and money on this is the past decade than on maintaining and restoring the house!

Good luck. And if you fancy an off grid glamping break just over the border from you in North Wales, I know just the place! Www.Ty-uchaf.co.uk !

 

[Zebra]

What is a woman's man cave called? Is it still a man cave? Or is it then just a shed?

 

[Cubist]

What is a woman's man cave called? Is it still a man cave?

Nope. Just a label on the door saying "And Here Be Dragons".

 

[steveb]

We had the man-shed and the girl-shed.

Girl shed had a pretty sign outside with flowers on, which gave no clues as to the mess on the inside

 

[Zebra]

Hmm, not sure I'm on board with this forum's attitudes towards gender sometimes! Girl shed with pretty flowers? Sign saying here be dragons? Humph.

 

[LadyArowana]

What is a woman's man cave called? Is it still a man cave? Or is it then just a shed?

It’s a She-Shed. I don’t have one, not in the shed sense, although I do have a lovely workshop space in the underpavement vaults. That functioned as an “elephant hospital” for a while as a couple of things got damaged in the move. Most recently I was in there making a Christmas wreath for the front door.

Man cave - ahh, now that's part of the issue! I need to buy and store stock to support this venture, so my attic study will be getting racked out. Stairs will keep me fit! Some will need to go in the garage as well, trouble that is full of essential man-toys in various states of road worthiness. I've got an old Rover V8 engine sat attached to a crane that I now need to urgently finish and get back in a kit car!

I don’t know what you’re going to need to store, but for His Lordships study I used things from Shelfstore. Their online design tool was really good, lots of options in terms of sizes of uprights/ shelves and side panels. I looked at metal like Dexion? but it was all a bit “warehousey” for indoors.

 

[Feltwell]

Zebra, you know full well you'd beat "the boys" hands down! Having seen the conditions you were living in when your lovely little place was mid-salvation, and the jobs you were tackling, you're much tougher than most - regardless of gender.

Thanks for the positive comments everyone! I think I'm doing the right thing, but it is hard to step away from the conventional definition of "success". It shouldn't be, as I'm definitely an old hippy at heart and I'm not materialistic, but that's societal pressure for you I suppose. My youngest will be away to University when I'm 55, but the beauty of what I'm planning to do is I can run it at whatever level I like - it is year round with seasonality, but if I want it to just tick over and give me a pension topup in return for an hour or so a day eventually then I can do that. In the meantime, with no pension, I need to push harder at it to give an income.

I'm not always very good at practicing what I preach. Mrs F was a teacher, and was getting increasingly stressed and unhappy being one, especially with the pressure of being a mum to young kids as well. After several years out (childcare costs would have been greater than a teacher's salary!) and feeling the need to be more than just "Mum" she wanted to go back, but I persuaded her to go back as Teaching Assistant - a lot less money but also a lot less stress, with no work outside of school hours and the holidays free to look after the kids. It was definitely the right decision.