The "Talk Me Down" Thread

[Zebra]

Totally agree with the above post, especially love this bit:

Most importantly, if you have any friends or relatives who come over and say "It'll all be worth it when it's done" - swiftly eject them from the building, with a standing invitation to never return. That "got to get it finished" mindset makes me want to hide under the covers, and usually results in any work I do being of bad quality.

 

[mims&pip]

Totally agree with the above post, especially love this bit:

Most importantly, if you have any friends or relatives who come over and say "It'll all be worth it when it's done" - swiftly eject them from the building, with a standing invitation to never return. That "got to get it finished" mindset makes me want to hide under the covers, and usually results in any work I do being of bad quality.

Me too! When we took on our first proper project - the one that involved restoring four flats in a Victorian house back to a family home - friends/visitors frequently trotted out that line. One actually followed it up with "If it were me, I'd have to move into a hotel till it was finished".......that would have been an expensive bill as it took us ten* years, lol :lol:

*Would have been considerably longer had we not felt guilty that family life was passing us by and got a serious wiggle on once our son gave up being a chorister at fifteen!

Mims x

 

[malcolm]

It'll all be worth it when it's done"

Another good one is "If you knew then what you know now would you have taken it on?".

I'm looking forward to decorating, mostly as it would imply I don't have any big holes in the walls any more. I'm with you on not planning too much. I work on a "just in time" system of realising I need stuff, then rushing to Buildbase or somewhere just before they close for the weekend. Sometimes I also use the "just too late" system.

The thing that does bug me is not knowing how to do stuff. Finding out via the internet is tricky as few others know how to do stuff these days. This forum is very helpful.

 

[JoceAndChris]

Love the above posts. Totally agree on how the heart goes cold with the person when you hear the "worth it when it's done/I'd have to move into a hotel/ I don't know how you cope" remarks. How nice it would be to retort with something utterly crushing, but I can never think what, and they are, after all, only trying to be nice, and can't really help that their idea of a home is a soulless white box where everything is new and functioning.

I talk very little now to people about my house projects and plans. I've stopped inviting people to stay. People don't typically understand, so why waste my breath?

As for the house, it's now at that glorious stage where every job is a non urgent luxury really. A bathroom, a set of curtains, some lime plaster here and there, some more outdoor lighting. And I've completely adapted to not having a lot of water in the house. I know what I need water for: the chickens, one dishwasher load a day, one laundry load every couple of days. The rest of the things other people use water for I manage without, and it's worth it, to live here, and no use complaining, as nothing to be done!

 

[a twig]

Totally agree on how the heart goes cold with the person when you hear the "worth it when it's done/I'd have to move into a hotel/ I don't know how you cope" remarks. How nice it would be to retort with something utterly crushing, but I can never think what...

I always reply in an aggressively suspicious tone, "And what is that supposed to mean!?" and watch them squirm and stammer an explanation as to how they didn't mean anything by it and are very impressed/proud... :twisted:

Also having a couple of expensive bottles of champagne conspicuously placed in the fridge ("Do be a dear and grab the milk out the fridge for me, halfway down, just behind the Bollinger") always provides a good visual counterpoint to the atmosphere of "making do" that often prevails in a restoration. Guests don't need to know they are the same two bottles you've had since your engagement party ten years ago.

I too have given up on explaining and discussing on a lot of topics these days. When the umpteenth person has patronisingly told me in conversation "Modern plaster is so much better/cheaper/easier than this lime stuff" or "Just throw a bit of cement in" or "Haven't you heard of plasterboard?" I just smile sweetly and walk away.

I've come to the same conclusion about politics and religion, no-one truly listens to the other person's point of view, you can no longer have an enjoyable and reasoned debate without being called a Nazi or a hippy, so what is the point?

Ho-hum, this post should have gone in the "Grumps" section really! More gin needed...

 

[JoceAndChris]

:lol: I quite agree with you, a twig!

It is very nice that there are people on here to to be grumpy with.

And I personally think each and every one of us not only deserves the unbridled respect and admiration from our friends for our Herculean labours, but also an OBE.

Not everyone has the selflessness to give the time and money to saving an old building, rather than a Barratt home and holidays in the Canaries. Harrumph.

 

[plasticpigeon]

I think people mean well but don't understand the situation. The "It'll be worth it when it is done" sounds nice really, but also disingenuous as usually the person making the remark wouldn't even notice the details that people on here go to, let alone make the effort if the shoe were on the other foot. Also, and I can only speak for myself, I know deep down that some of the fussiness is ridiculous as it may not be very important or make any difference to the overall look or functionality of a place, and is a real barrier to getting things done. The lack of ability to compromise is like an illness or a disease, and unless you are also afflicted you will never know!

 

[Flyfisher]

I've come to the same conclusion about politics and religion, no-one truly listens to the other person's point of view, you can no longer have an enjoyable and reasoned debate without being called a Nazi or a hippy, so what is the point?

Indeed. I understand it's call 'cognitive dissonance'. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36744911

 

[JoceAndChris]

I really don't think it is a sickness to want to get the details right, to create something that's beautiful to you! In fact in this crazy world I think it's one of the few things that makes sense!

I don't know if anyone here has read Donna Tartt's " The Goldfinch". Probably no time to, as it's 800 odd pages, and you're all too busy being "Hobie", who is one of the central characters in it, and a craftsman.

I highly recommend it though, if you haven't. It's about the importance of saving a treasured old painting, amongst other themes.

The very last page says

" in the midst of our dying ... it is a glory and a privilege to love what Death doesn't touch...
I add my own love to the history of people who have loved beautiful things, and looked out for them, and pulled them
from the fire, and tried to preserve them and save them when they were passing along literally from hand to hand, singing out brilliantly from the wreck of time to the next generation of lovers, and the next."

As true for a beloved old house as a fine painting. More so.

 

[Zebra]

Another good book on the topic is perhaps "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." I love its concept that the one key ingredient for tackling any daunting task is nothing clever or magical, but good old-fashioned gumption.