The "Talk Me Down" Thread

[Alex O]

Does anyone else sometimes get that nauseous, panicky feeling when dealing with their period home? When it's late at night and you can't stop obsessing over a damp patch, or some mistake that you've made in the renovations and don't know if it's going to come back to haunt you? When you're looking for solutions to a problem and you feel like you could ask 100 people and get 100 different answers? When you think, "I could have bought a nice modern flat in a new development and had an easy life"?

Please tell me I'm not alone!

...and that ultimately there's nothing to worry about!

 

[MikeG]

Break it down into little jobs. Building a house, or renovating a house, isn't a big job. It is simply an awful lot of small jobs. Do all those small jobs as well as you can, and don't look at the over-all state of play until you are scratching around for something to do. Once you get far enough through the project, concentrate on finishing one room completely, rather than doing, say, all the second fix joinery around the house, all the decorating everywhere, all the plaster repairs, or whatever it might be. If you can close a door on a completed room you feel an awful lot closer to the finishing line than if every room in the house is 90% done.

And remember, if it all gets too much, you can just ring those nice people at DIY SOS and they'll come and finish it for you...... :twisted: :lol:

 

[paulc]

I used to lie in bed looking at the cracks in the ceiling and wonder if it is all going to fall down on me while I sleep. Have moved the bed into another room until such time as I get the urge to give the plaster a prod.

 

[plasticpigeon]

Perhaps a little when I started but not any more. Houses are pretty forgiving to even really awful work. The more I know the more relaxed I've become. My biggest fear is that I spend too much time doing things to the house and not enough with family, friends and doing other things I like.

 

[Alex O]

Perhaps a little when I started but not any more. Houses are pretty forgiving to even really awful work. The more I know the more relaxed I've become. My biggest fear is that I spend too much time doing things to the house and not enough with family, friends and doing other things I like.

This is all reassuring, thank you.

I do agree with your second statement - the house is all-consuming, and I worry that I'm starting to let life pass me by. Not so much with family - if anything we spend more time with them as they're all into houses too and we help each other out. But certainly friends and career. I have a couple of projects that I really should get on with but my brain keeps forcing the house to be a priority, and making me feel that I can't do anything else until it's done.

 

[88v8]

I do agree with your second statement - the house is all-consuming, and I worry that I'm starting to let life pass me by.

I reckon I spent 30,000 hours on our previous house. That on top of a longish commute and a demanding job. I made the house as period-perfect as I could. At the time it was what I wanted.
And then we moved and left all that work behind.

It's difficult if you like things just so. Hard not to let it absorb all your time.

Here, I look at jobs I could or even should do, but on the whole I don't. It won't fall down. Previous owners have managed with it as it is. Etc.

Yes, in a sense, life may pass you by. But doing the house is part of your life. Hopefully it gives you satisfaction and a sense of achievement. And sometimes it needs all your focus and if you let other activities get in the way, that can be demotivating, never finishing things, living in a perpetual building site.

One can look at it from various directions, It's the balance, not letting it eat all your time, all the time.

Ivor

 

[mims&pip]

Like Ivor (and other members here), we've spent a vast number of hours restoring our homes over the past twenty-odd years, for the most part doing the work ourselves. Usually these are wrecks that other people wouldn't touch with the proverbial barge pole, lol!!! Pip and I are both perfectionists and I confess to being a little bit OCD when it comes to the finish I aspire to achieve. In the past Pip worked six days per week in his 'day job', working on the house evenings and his one day off whilst I have devoted all my spare time to labouring, soft furnishings, gardening etc. For the past ten years - until about six months ago when Pip re-entered the workplace - we have juggled running a business with house restoration. We both enjoy getting stuck into a project! Our son (DS) is grown up now and has his own (period!) property, but the whole of his childhood was spent in the shadow of our building work and decorating, although to be fair he was a cathedral chorister from the age of seven to fifteen so he was pretty busy himself :wink:

You could say that as a result of these combined commitments we missed out on typical family life, but we still found time for hobbies and holidays etc. DS wasn't scarred by having a fairly unusual childhood, although I know many of the parents of his school friends considered us a bit odd and one or two admitted that living on 'building sites' as we did wouldn't be for them! He now relishes getting his hands dirty whilst restoring his own home and has learned many skills from us, to which end he built the kitchen in the flat he shares with his girlfriend, makes his own curtains and can plaster reasonably well. Despite less than perfect home conditions, DS got four A levels and a first class degree in philosophy. He now runs his own successful web design business.

I can't imagine ever living in a new build or anything more recent than Edwardian perhaps. We are a little house-obsessed to the point that DS recently described us as being defined by the houses we have 'rescued'. Indeed I can't think of anything else I have personally achieved, but I am proud of those houses and also that DS is following in our footsteps.

Do I have any regrets? Would I do things differently if I could go back twenty years? Maybe. I qualified in fashion design, ran a business based on that for a few years then gave it up to concentrate on restoring the house we then lived in. A friend from uni has a successful fashion business that I have occasionally envied. None of this has been done for financial gain. In fact we've lost money as we can never do things by halves. Perhaps it would have been better to buy with our heads as opposed to our hearts, but that wouldn't be us. Life probably has passed us by a little. It is what it is :roll:

Mims x

 

[Feltwell]

You're definitely not alone Alex. I sometimes look at your typical, bland "4 bed detached in the midst of a sea of other 4 bed identical detached" estate houses and think my life could be much easier if we lived in one, even though I hate them.

I look at the damp stain on the ceiling above our bed and I know that the cause is that the chimney needs repointing, and I know that I almost certainly won't get to it this year. I look at the terrible state of our exterior joinery (this year's must do job) and wonder if I will get it all done in whatever small patch of good weather we get that coincides with weekends. I could take the same approach to 1001 other jobs. But then I think "The house has been here for over 100 years, that problem has been there for X years, it won't fall down in a hurry - I'll get to it when I get to it".

The one thing I did do a couple of years back was buy a motorhome. Why? Well, going away forces me to switch off from the house and it's associated worries. Having a large, expensive (to me) motorhome parked on the drive means I feel obliged to use it, as I'm paying for servicing, tax, depreciation, insurance etc etc if I use it or not. It means I get time away with the kids - my eldest is now 12, I know that in a blink she'll be 18, off to University and not wanting to go away with Mum & Dad any more. The other two won't be that far behind.

Only thing is I now have another home to worry about, fix, maintain, improve and generally take up my time... :lol:

 

[malcolm]

It's the time that I find troublesome too. I have a labourer helping so things are moving along, but I don't really have the time to plan and order things so everything happens at the last minute in a way that doesn't tend to be time efficient. In the summer I can get him back onto the brick pointing so I can have a break!

I find it useful to have a day off every week. It is easy to get tired working all the time.

 

[Penners]

I wholeheartedly agree with MikeG's comments above. Try to break the project down to a series of achievable jobs. There's an old saying:-

Q: How do you eat an elephant?

A: A spoonful at a time.

Concentrate on each spoonful from start to finish, and try not to get sidetracked into starting a number of disparate jobs, which all then remain half finished. A finished room is a 'little victory'. Regard it as such and reward yourself with a day or two off doing something enjoyable and relaxing with the family.

I've renovated five houses. I'm now elderly, have a knackered back (I never talk about it) and various other physical complaints. But I don't regret a moment of the goodness-knows-how-many months and years of my life that I have poured into these projects. Nothing comes close to the satisfaction of looking at a period house and seeing all the work that you have done to conserve it for yourself and for the future (although the increase in its value tends to give you a warm feeling in the wallet, too!).

And remember - take loads of before and after photographs! They will help you to remember all the details of everything that you've achieved.

 

[Flyfisher]

Does anyone else sometimes get that nauseous, panicky feeling when dealing with their period home? When it's late at night and you can't stop obsessing over a damp patch, or some mistake that you've made in the renovations and don't know if it's going to come back to haunt you? When you're looking for solutions to a problem and you feel like you could ask 100 people and get 100 different answers? When you think, "I could have bought a nice modern flat in a new development and had an easy life"?

Please tell me I'm not alone!

...and that ultimately there's nothing to worry about!

I used to, but PPUKers cured me in the short term.

In the longer term, I learned for myself that time is on our side when dealing with most problems and disaster is not going to happen overnight. Our project is 10 years old this year and there are still some things that I've not yet fixed but the house is still standing and the unfixed areas are no worse than they were ten years ago - though, to be fair, that's probably because I did fix the really serious weather-proofing problems pretty quickly. But it's a mixed blessing, because having bought myself a lot of time dealing with the urgent issues, I've definitely slowed down on fixing the non urgent and mainly decorative issues. But hey, there is life beyond period property so it's a question of finding a comfortable balance, which will undoubtedly be different for all of us.

 

[Feltwell]

But it's a mixed blessing, because having bought myself a lot of time dealing with the urgent issues, I've definitely slowed down on fixing the non urgent and mainly decorative issues.

That sounds slightly familiar................... Ten years in as well, the roof doesn't leak, the heating works, the horrible damp garages have been replaced, but still only 4 rooms have been redecorated (and 3 of those are the kid's bedrooms!) :lol:

 

[Penners]

Our project is 10 years old this year and there are still some things that I've not yet fixed but the house is still standing and the unfixed areas are no worse than they were ten years ago

Alex, what FF modestly doesn't tell you is that he took on an absolutely mammoth restoration project, and that his work to date has transformed a seriously threatened, important building into a gem. He did this from a standing start, with no experience whatsoever of property restoration and in the face of the somewhat pessimistic opinion of... ahem... one particular PPUK regular.

And he still has enough work left to keep him off the streets and out of the pubs for a few more years!

 

[Alex O]

Wow, amazing stuff everyone! This seems like a very nice community.

We're not in a massive rush to get everything done, especially since we'll DIY as much as poss which means working round both our full time jobs. The real frustration for us is not being able to have people round for a long while. We love to entertain but the ground floor of our house is essentially a workshop, and will be for at least a year.

It's going to be gorgeous when it's finished though, and we plan to be here a long time. Will take lots of pics...

 

[jocelyn plummer]

Hi there Alex o, well, there you have your replies and support from us all, I will add please don't even contemplate living in a modern property and leading a quiet life--- our recent downsize has landed us in a 1986 build ( period properties in our chosen area are OTT prices) . It has given me many a headache, trying to update it, and whip the lazy builders into action and then having to point out that they have not done a particularly good job---- FAR more annoyances than I ever had whilst restoring some 5 grade 11 listed buildings since 1988, so hang in there , break the tasks down and enjoy every minute.!! xx

 

[Penners]

The real frustration for us is not being able to have people round for a long while. We love to entertain but the ground floor of our house is essentially a workshop, and will be for at least a year.

Alex, that's when you find out who your real friends are! On many occasions we've had friends round for a meal of scrambled eggs on toast, sitting on old boxes with their plates resting on a newspaper* on their knees. And they've loved it!

On one occasion, several couples arrived for dinner and before they were allowed even a sip of wine, the menfolk were summoned into the garden to help me lift a huge, rusty old oil tank off its concrete plinth. Nobody complained (although one chap's Pringle sweater was never quite the same again. ).

Entertaining true friends is not about Persian carpets, silk upholstery or sophisticated food. It's about getting together for a good chat and a laugh, no matter what the surroundings. So don't lock yourself away, just issue invitations with a caveat that old jeans might be better than Saville Row cords!

* The Telegraph of course!

 

[Alex O]

Yes we've had a few of those evenings already! In any case, old jeans are de rigeur at our place at the best of times - I'm not Margo Leadbetter (more's the pity).

 

[Penners]

Well there you go then - no need to become social isolationists!

 

[Bogart]

Very interesting reading the replies, agree with all to some degree. I sometimes wake wondering in what order should I start things. All a bit pointless as I probably will gravitate onto something totally different, either by choice or something else going t**s up. Today have sorted out the newly built log store. If I do not get sorted how do I dry the logs? If the logs are not dry what do I burn next winter and so on? I must admit I am a bit of a do a bit here and a bit there type but that is just how I am. That reminds must look at that antique boiler I have come the morning.

 

[a twig]

My top tip is don't over plan - if I have a rigid schedule to conform to I get bored and demotivated - as I found out last winter when I made almost no progress for about 3 months.

Try to make sure you have the bits about for to do several jobs, then on the day, do the one that you fancy/find interesting/will be the most satisfying.

Personally, painting and decorating bores the hells out of me - however, the more structural and systems aspects - masonry, carpentry, plumbing, wiring etc I love doing. I therefore make sure that I have enough bits around me that if I'm struggling, I can get on with an interesting job, then at least I'm making some progress on the house, even if that spare bedroom still isn't finished because it's waiting to be limewashed for the third month...

Most importantly, if you have any friends or relatives who come over and say "It'll all be worth it when it's done" - swiftly eject them from the building, with a standing invitation to never return. That "got to get it finished" mindset makes me want to hide under the covers, and usually results in any work I do being of bad quality.

The joy is in the little steps along the journey:
- celebrating when you click the switch and that dodgy light finally works
- rejoicing that the repairs to the heating and the new insulation mean you no longer need to wear woollen hats and socks in bed
- sitting back and admiring the way the sun splashes along the freshly lime plastered wall that you poured all that time into.

And if you're really getting worried, my favourite trick is to watch old episodes of restoration man, particularly the ones where they are crucified by £60k worth of remedial work after discovering deathwatch beetle, and say to myself, "Well, mine is nowhere near that bad!"