How on earth do you let go?

[Zebra]

I'm not thinking of selling my house just yet.... but if I were ever to want to move on, if circumstances were to change, and life were to lead in a different direction...... How on earth do you let go of a project that you've lived for and cared so much about? The idea of anyone else ever having control over this house seems appalling! What if they paint it with the wrong paint?! They won't know where all the pipework is! I love this house so much. All the work and stress over five years, I've done it all with the idea that I'll be still here when I'm ninety, even though of course I know it might not really be true. That idea just helped me to maintain my commitment. I can't imagine how I could ever leave without it breaking my heart. I can't imagine driving past it and seeing what someone else has done to it.
Forgive me if I'm just being over-emotional, but those of you who've done four or five of these type of projects, how on earth do you let go and move on?

 

[Feltwell]

I found that I just did. Circumstances changed, I wanted to be back closer to family for my kid's sake, whilst it upset me to leave the house I soon got over it when faced with the enormity of what needed doing at Feltwell Towers!

So I merrily drew up my mental three year plan of what to do here, on which I'm making real progress - I'm now on year nine.

I won't be here for ever. This would be a very bad house for an elderly person to live in - far too many stairs, that are also far too steep in some cases, it's too big a house really for 1 or 2 people to live in and it costs a small fortune to (badly) heat. I console myself that we plan to be here for at least another 20 years, then maybe another smaller project before I'm too ancient to want to tackle one!

 

[JanieB]

I had to leave the house I moved into after I got married because we got a farm of our own after 21 years. I hated leaving it and I'd spent a lot of effort and money looking after it. To be quite honest it's the only other house that I've lived in apart from this one that I've ever thought of as home.

I have to pass it on occasion and I hate what the current owners have done to it, but it is their house and I have to accept it. My ambition for a long time was to buy it back but it wouldn't be the same. When I lived in it it was in the middle of fields with the most fantastic views from all the windows. The surrounding fields have been bought by Barrett homes and will be built on so my idyllic first home will end up in the middle of a housing estate.

This is happening everywhere, you just have to let go and move on. However, they can't take away my memories of being a new bride in her first home and her young family being brought up there.

 

[MatthewC]

kWhat if they paint it with the wrong paint?! They won't know where all the pipework is!

One thing that I intend to do (and have been meaning to do for at least four years!) is to document that sort of thing, so that there is something substantial in writing to pass on to any buyer which gives details not only of WHAT I have done but also WHY. It will also contain information about the things that I found underneath the plaster and floorboards etc about the history of the place. I know this wouldn't stop anyone doing their own thing but at least it won't be out of ignorance!

Mind you, I can't see us moving except into a care home - t'other 'arf said once that she's only leaving here in a coffin; I replied that, with the church directly opposite, I would save the cost of a hearse...

Matthew

 

[JoceAndChris]

Oh I agree, you have to be carried out in a box!

I'm friends on FB with the Previous Owner whose baby BC was before it was mine. He rescued it from near dereliction and lived here 25 years. I often wonder if our FB friendship makes it better or worse for him - probably both. I'm sure it must have been incredibly painful for him to see me ripping out wallpapers chosen by his wife who died tragically young, that he allowed to grow mouldy and hang off walls rather than remove her memory. He didn't even let his new wife redecorate. But he said when he sold it this place needs money and young energy, and he was right. He couldn't look after it anymore as it needed/ needs so much. I'm sure he's very happy to see all our careful repair on FB and he was thrilled I got it listed and am keeping it as it's always been, and especially pleased we bought the field in front which is such an important part of the view!

I think on balance if I could sell it to someone who would love it and look after it when I'm old I could see it go, but I will remain an interfering nuisance, I'm sure, until I die. And maybe after! :lol:

 

[formerly known as]

At the time of my first house, I felt like you ............... as daunting as it may seem, moving on isn't that difficult and it allows you to put into practice everything that you have learned to-date (assuming that is, that you want to do it all again [I am on house number 4])*

* which, at the time of writing, will be my last renovation, as I don't want to be building after I am 50! .... we shall see ..........

 

[skier-hughes]

We were just looking at selling, our reason for being here was not at that time working out, so we had a look round to see what we could find.
It was extremely hard, as this house is amazing, but we found a couple we may have moved for and I'm sure if we'd carried on looking in earnest we'd have found more and somewhere that took us away from here.
Circumstances have changed again, so staying put we are.
I don't think I'd ever move to somewhere not period.

 

[mims&pip]

We struggled to let go of our Victorian 'villa' on the South coast (as linked to in various posts :lol: ) because it was the one we both truly loved and had put our all (financially and creatively) into. Unfortunately as our family of three became two when DS went off to uni, we felt that maintaining 3500 sq ft of house was an extravagance we could do without* All three of us shed a tear when we left.

Since then we have done two more restorations - the Tudor and the Georgian - and TBH we haven't put any less enthusiasm (or cash :roll: ) into these, despite not fully feeling the love. I think it's just how we are - not only do we have enormous empathy - and sympathy - with these neglected old properties, but we just can't do things by halves! It is always sad to leave somewhere you have put your own blood, sweat and tears into - and as consummate DIYers we've certainly done plenty of that, lol!

As I type it looks as though the current house - the 1850s with Arts & Crafts extension - is headed the same way.......although we have no long term plans to stay in this part of the world we just couldn't do a half-hearted job, as that wouldn't feel as if we were doing right by the place which deserves so much better than the copious quantities of woodchip and other dubious finishes applied by previous owners over the past few decades.

With regards to future owners, we always leave a record of works we have done, finishes applied etc for the new custodians - and I'm aware from info available online that several of our previous homes have remained untouched - at least in part - by their new owners after we have sold.....so we must have done something right

Mims x


*A viewpoint we both later came to regret, but as its current value is in excess of £800k we'd have to relinquish our mortgage-free status to buy it back

 

[plasticpigeon]

I've let go already and I haven't finished my place. I realise that I have put too much into it at the expense of other things that make my life good. I hope you enjoy your house for many years, but don't feel inhibited to make a positive move in the future should the opportunity arise.

 

[malcolm]

I have a similar trouble with cars - I still have three cars that I restored in the past. I'm sure I could find someone who would look after them far better than I do, but would never be able to replace them with something in a similar condition and trouble free underneath the shiny paint.

I don't know if I feel the same way about the house. Is it finishing the project that brings on that feeling? If so I ought to be spending a bit more time building garages.

 

[88v8]

Our previous house, 31 years and perhaps 30,000 hours of work, after four years I haven't let go and probably never will. I try not to look at the many pics. If I could have moved the house, I would have done so. And if I could have unwound the 'progress' that made us want to leave its location, I would have done that with knobs on.
Perhaps if we had found a better house to replace it, but after four years of looking, we didn't.

Ivor

 

[plasticpigeon]

The best option if you ever want to move, is to buy a new place and keep the old one and keep ultimate control!!!

 

[Flyfisher]

Oh I agree, you have to be carried out in a box!

Hello stranger - I hope this return is one of your new year resolutions

As for how to let go, I've no idea. This is our 4th house but the first listed one and our first major project. Unless something really drastic happens we're planning on only leaving in a box. The previous owners are both buried in the grounds and there's plenty of room for us as well so we may never leave at all! :lol:

 

[MatthewC]

I don't want to be building after I am 50! ....

Oh please! That's so young! I didn't start this one (my first and only) until I was 58, and it got me fit.

 

[formerly known as]

well, I am 48 now ....... so another 2 years is my envisaged completion of this house (although there is a workshop that needs to be built to allow me to spend more time on the important things in life ....... motorcycles! ... )

 

[livias]

It is not easy and I just had to harden my heart

House No 1 was the dream house and I put heart and soul and money into it ... until life changed and the house was not the right place any more. It was a big wrench to leave but I am so glad that I did because House No 2 and the next stage of my life were so much more fulfilling. But from day one I consided it to be a temporary home which I was rescuing for posterity and profit and my own education. Lovely but only a house. So I was much more practical about spending my renovation money wisely, pragmatic when time came to move on and satisfied that I had rescued a 500 year old wreck and prepared it well to face the next 500 years. I was lucky that the economics made sense to rent it out rather than sell it and I was picky about who I chose as tenants. I could probably have got more money each month by holding out for the highest bidder, but I chose a tenant who works with old buildings and understands them. Onward and upward .... House No 3 is a fascinating project

Zebra the bones of your house were on the cusp of being lost forever so you should feel very proud that you have rescued it. I am sure there will have been bits that you would do differently another time, so look upon the next one as your chance to do just that

 

[Carol]

I never thought I could let my previous place go, but times and circumstances change. My grown up children left, my husband was diagnosed with cancer in his early fifties, and soon succumbed and I realised that a single income wouldn't deal happily with the predictable needs of my lovely medieval place so I put it on the market. It sold quickly and to someone who wanted to know all we knew about its history, liked its peculiarities and actually loved it. Four years on I have moved twice, met a lovely partner, who is interested in old buildings but is more keen on being well insulated and comfortable and have settled into a new life with a Victorian cottage. Life goes on!

 

[chuckey]

When the children left home and the daughter produced Grandchildren, we thought that that the 40+min drive to seemed excessive. So we traded down our 5 bed roomed Victorian house for a 1950s ex council bungalow ten minutes away from the mob. We see our old house a couple of times a year and the new owners have "ruined" it. Its got three bathrooms for the couple and their child. Its their money and their taste. As for us, we do miss the large rooms and the space, but are very happy with our present situation. One day we shall be old and dotty and my daughter can look after us!
Frank

 

[Penners]

those of you who've done four or five of these type of projects, how on earth do you let go and move on?

Our current house is my fifth (and in view of my age, the most modest) project. In every case, the extensive work that I have carried out on our home(s) hasn't been done for any money-making motive - it has been (a) to allow Mrs P and me to live in the kind of house that we love and would otherwise have been unable to afford, and (b) because, despite the frustrations and the financial, physical and mental demands, I have always derived enormous satisfaction from rescuing an old building and making my contribution to its history.

The fact remains, however, that whenever we have moved on (always for professional or retirement reasons) every property has shown me a very fine return on the investment in time and money that I have put into it. Of course, this return on the investment has always been sunk into the next property... until it came to the point of retirement. It was then that the ultimate rewards could be reaped by downsizing and investing the released capital into my pension. I hasten to add that I'm not talking about great wealth (more's the pity!) but the capital did allow me to retire on a modest income at the age of 60, which had always been my ambition (well, I actually wanted to retire at 25, but that never quite worked out!!).

So, letting go of your completed restoration project can reward you in two major ways. It allows you to find another project to sweat blood over (if you really want to!) and it can boost your capital base, ready for the day when you decide to lay down your AVO meter and relax!

Meanwhile, Zebra, enjoy every moment of the beauty, comfort and contentment that your home now undoubtedly affords you. And when the day comes to move on remind yourself that, although others will be enjoying it, the house always carry a large part of you in its DNA.

 

[Zebra]

Meanwhile, Zebra, enjoy every moment of the beauty, comfort and contentment that your home now undoubtedly affords you. And when the day comes to move on remind yourself that, although others will be enjoying it, the house always carry a large part of you in its DNA.