PPUKip policies

[plasticpigeon]

Now I have no allegience to any political party, and and I'm not particularly in favour of ukip, but I thought that the first point mentioned in this more positive than normal article, most surprisingly in the mirror, sounds like the collective voice of PPUK!!

http://www.mirror.co.uk/money/ukip-manifesto-11-sensible-policies-5528804

 

[Flyfisher]

I'm not sure of the FUKP's stance on VAT and listed buildings, but they could be serious opposition to Mr Farage's ambitions of becoming the MP for South Thanet.

http://thepublandlord.com/

 

[Feltwell]

South Thanet clearly needs a bloke waving a pint around talking b@llocks. You can decide who I'm talking about!

Seriously, whilst this isn't one, please, no one start a General Election thread. Last time it all got rather heated & messy I seem to recall, and resulted in some very knowledgeable forum members departing for good.

 

[Owain]

I would like to propose 5000% VAT on plastic windows, and 10000% VAT on plastic windows replacing existing wooden ones.

 

[88v8]

And a doubling of Council tax for concreting over the garden.
And quadrupling for not having a hedge.
And an octupeling for taking down chimneys and putting up concrete roof tiles.
And a errrm, sixteenoppoling for cement render and plastic gutters.

All this would of course have to be checked with a focus group and an opinion opole.

Ivor

 

[Flyfisher]

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down and so on down to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning . . . .

Today you voted.