OT - drowning in a sea of stuff

[Juju]

I'm sure everyone else suffers from this to some degree too but I can't bear it any longer - we have stuff everywhere - piled up in the hallway, bedrooms, under the beds etc. I'm naturally a very tidy, stuff-organised person but we've had to clear parents' houses plus I've brought back over 20 years of work stuff after giving up my job (well I dumped/recycled half of it but it's still everywhere). My mum died 3 years ago and I took on the burden to help my old Dad of clearing her stuff to charity shops etc. Then he decided to downsize 2 years ago - I was queen of ebay, freecycle, charity shops, recycling etc solidly for 6 months to help him - but still there's stuff left over. Then Mr Juju's poor old Dad died last year and his house was stacked to the rafters - again I've ebayed, freecycled and we made countless trips to charity shops and the recycling centres in Durham. But we have boxes and boxes left and it's stuff that still needs sorting - photos, sentimental papers, stuff that might be valuable but needs researching.

I can't bear to put it all in the attic as it'll just stay there going mouldy or rusty or whatever! Anyway, not sure why I'm sharing this. I think I'm just feeling frazzled today with the chaos - especially as we're trying to get the house respectable for the Party in 2 months time! I've given up thinking all the decorating jobs will be done but it would be nice to present my lovely guests with a clean house that they can actually see and move around without stepping over boxes. Mind you, we have worked really hard on the garden so if the weather's nice everyone can stay out there

Juju

 

[chuckey]

We have lived in the same large house for 31 years and we decided to down size to a more suitably sized bungalow to see us out (and to be closer to our Daughter who can then look after us ). So far we have donated to Oxfam 10 boxes of books (~ 30 cu. ft), I have taken 10 estate car load of "stuff" to the tip and 11 (my tools/ spare materials/hobby stuff)to a 20' X 10' X 10' container. We too, have inherited loads of "stuff" as we were the ones nearest to my parents. - disposed of 8 photograph albums of theirs, leaving us with the oldest and most interesting ones. My wife says we are being kind to our children, and sorting the junk out instead of leaving it for them to do. 80%+ of our furniture will go, no room and wrong style. A few bits have gone via "Free Cycle", some will be "Ebayed" and some will go to Oxfam and the cottage. I just look at it and remind myself it's served us well and earn't its keep.
Frank

 

[robgil]

We have been liovi8ng out of boxes while we do the cottage and every now and then I ''throw an eppi'' as ms Robgil puts it and throw loads of ''stuff'' away.
You have to be hard on your self , the way I see it is this , if we haven't used it since we moved in it goes.
As we finish each room in the cottage if we have thrown it away and suddenly need it then we get another, better one.

 

[robgil]

I meant to say liovi8ng as well , that's not a spelling mistake.

 

[Juju]

I guess I'm ruthless with my own stuff but feel with inherited stuff, it needs to be assessed carefully - not just cos it might be worth money but for memories and interest. I think I'm probably just exhausted with it all now after 3 years of sorting out accompanied by the trauma of bereavement - and because my natural tendency is to be tidy and organised (I won't get into the psychology of it all, that's Mr Juju's territory with him being an expert on personality types!)

I've done really well on Amazon - since leaving work I've sold lots of text books bought over the last 20 years often for more than I paid for them. Mind you I've also been busy buying more textbooks for my new career...
Juju

 

[middi]

Be ruthless, think SKIP. ( or two)

Middi

 

[Flyfisher]

I'm naturally a very tidy, stuff-organised person . . . .

I think that's the nub of your problem. We've also accumulated loads of 'stuff' over the years (including from dear departed relatives) but while I like to be quite organised (in the sense of knowing where stuff is located) I'm fairly relaxed about actual tidyness. Fortunately, Mrs FF is even more untidy than me, so there're rarely any arguments over stuff lying around.

I guess that's probably not much help. Sorry.

 

[jocelyn plummer]

yes, full commiserations Juju. I cleared 4 substantial Family houses between 1986 and 1993. keeping the best of the family furniture, portraits and Archives, it all fitted snugly and I knew exactly where everything was, and enjoyed using or looking at what I had out on display---- until, that is, we moved to NN in 2003, then again in 2006 and back to our downsize in Mid beds in 2008.
I suffered real panic attacks as I entered rooms piled high with carefully packed boxes and had huge problems shifting stuff around in order to refurbish. This time, my son who refuses to get rid of any of the excess family stuff, has stowed things away in his garage and stable, complains that things are getting damaged and damp, and I payout to store the rest, the bill now being reduced from £800 per month to £27. I am very happy to 'get rid' and have been sorely tempted to either employ an Archiveist to deal with the family stuff, or simply call in a reputable Auction House--- BUT everything is so tightly packed that I cannot even contemplate opening the drawers, doors, cupboards and consequently have got very lazy about it all. I could make a great deal more of this present house if I 'got real' and sold up in order to finish various tasks and choose some suitably sized pieces of furniture. So, it's a case of do something steadily whilst it's all still freshly in your mind, or end up like me-- grumbling about it all. In my case, the Family line ends with my Son, who has not married. So even less reason to hang on to things. Ebay is a big hassle, packing and weighing etc-- fine for small stuff, things I' ve given to Charity Shops I have promptly needed or had to replace .There is not an easy answer.!!
However, do allow time to get over your Bereavement, some things will be quite nice to keep, set them aside for a while.

 

[Feltwell]

I have a theory that I dubbed, in perhaps a slightly sexist but probably truthful way, the handbag theory.

Ladies, you have a handbag, but it gets full of all those essentials you need. So you buy a bigger handbag, but with that extra space you can fit in a few more essentials, but you never quite get rid of some of those old items that are perhaps now less "essential" and perhaps some of your new essentials are, if truth be told, not so essential. But a good ruthless clear out is so hard to do, so you buy a bigger handbag, and the cycle starts again.

In other words, the amount of cr@p expands to fill the available space. I built myself a large double garage, much bigger & better than I had before, it's now stuffed and I'm struggling for room. We moved from relatively small house to a much larger one - 2 extra bedrooms for starters. The spare bedroom could have some long lost undiscovered tribe living in it for all I know, there are recesses that no man (or woman) has managed to explore since the day we moved in and dumped boxes there.

 

[skier-hughes]

Same here Feltwell, our old upstairs would probably fit in one bedroom and bathroom here. When we first moved in we had tons of space, but now Jo is regularly throwing my stuff away!!.. Seems hers is in the essential list!!
So much so, that we are now buying an 18 x 10 shed to store things in, so we can make room for more furniture in the house, I think ???????

 

[AMc]

We've (as most do) bought a succession of bigger homes and have bought more stuff along the way.
It came as a rude awakening when we arrived here and discovered that the loft can't be used as storage unless you want to find bat carp and the odd dead bat in your stuff.

I have a terrible habit of keeping things 'in case they come in handy' and refusing to stick things in the bin if there is a remote possibility they can be fixed, recycled, sold or reused. As a result I'm currently drowning in old carp which needs to go, so much so that even beginning the task becomes intimidating.
I sometimes get the urge to hire a skip and simply empty the house of anything I haven't touched in a year.

I really feel for those of you who have inherited things that you can't really store or bear to part with - I lent my neighbour a compressor so he could inflate the tyres on a 1930s car his father left him and move it in the garage- it's clearly a treasure and also a massive responsibility.

Of one thing I am completely certain - renting, acquiring or adding more storage is not the answer to my clutter problems.

 

[CatherineB]

I feel for you, Juju. We are not there yet, but we both have a remaining parent living alone in a 4-bed house with lots of furniture and "stuff"... I can (just about, although DH would disagree) cope with culling my own belongings, but the thought of having to deal with my father's and my MIL's gives me palpitations...

Could you try a mission of "a box a day", to be sorted into "keep", "freecycle/charity shop", "throw"?

The things I find the hardest are those items that are old but not in good nick, therefore may be valueless but could theoretically be The Antiques Roadshow's find of the decade. But who's got time to sift through and research all those items? I think I will be charity shopping a lot of that stuff when the time comes, and if Oxfam is lucky enough to spot something and make thousands out of one item, then good luck to them.

Poor DH is a minimalist wannabe - with his wife, daughters, and parent, not a chance!!!

 

[Penners]

Here's your solution, Juju:

http://www.carbootsales.org/county/oxfordshire.html

 

[Juju]

If I'd known how much stuff we would have to dispose of I definitely would have considered renting a little shop for a year! Mr P - thanks for link to car boot sales. I've considered a carboot sale several times but I did one 20 years ago and hated every moment of it - people haggling over 50p...

I felt better about the stuff last night as I sorted out a few boxes for the attic - I suppose that's shifting the problem to another part of the house but it's work stuff that I don't want to throw out but probably only consult very occasionally. The attic is reasonably dry (unlike our cellar) but I wonder if it would be better storing papers in those big plastic storage bags rather than boxes as we do have mice etc in our attic.

I also know I will feel better when I've finished decorating the spare bedroom/study where much of the stuff is hanging around - I'm hoping we can have a big push on that this weekend. Mr Juju has time off work with the kids but being teenagers they're usually off somewhere so he can have a long list of jobs for the next 2 days whilst I'm off on an English Heritage course on historic garden conservation.

I'm very glad to know I'm not alone in having piles of stuff - ours will however be returning to being a minimalist house soon.... Then I can do a massive spring-clean!
Juju

 

[Penners]

The attic is reasonably dry (unlike our cellar) but I wonder if it would be better storing papers in those big plastic storage bags rather than boxes as we do have mice etc in our attic.

I'm afraid plastic storage bags won't offer any protection against mice. It's my experience that your average mouse loves a good munch on plastic.

 

[JoceAndChris]

I'm afraid absolute ruthlessness is called for. Just keep saying to yourself, who will clear this, who will want this if I'm killed in the car today? I'm still seething that I've been expected to clear the previous owner's rubbish that he thought might be useful - stuff like broken cement mixers, old garage doors, stuff I can't lift.
Recently I binned my entire childhood, keeping just 2 or 3 examples of correspondence between myself and parents whilst at boarding school. Even those, hmm. I don't believe bits of paper are necessary in a house. Important correspondence or receipts ought to be scanned and backed up. The iPhone is brilliant as you can simply photograph the document and save the data.
Clothes - charity shop. Furniture, well, I have the British Heart Foundation locally who'll come and get it. Fiction - get rid as soon as you've read.
Don't keep anything extraneous. Recycle every week ( we have a collection, they'll take a surprising assortment), don't hoard - it just weighs you down.
Being free of burdens of sentimental old rubbish that you don't particularly even like is vital to mental well being and moving forward in your own life.

 

[AMc]

I'm still seething that I've been expected to clear the previous owner's rubbish that he thought might be useful - stuff like broken cement mixers, old garage doors, stuff I can't lift.

I know that one! We had a dry basement in the last house and we bought the house partly because I thought the 'coachhouse' would be a good workshop/store.
I was less than impressed to discover that the departing owners had decided I could have a wide variety of wood off cuts, planks, odd bits of kitchen fittings and assorted building left overs. Then I went up in the hay loft and discovered it was full of half cleared rubble, rubbish and some old hand tools like they'd simply stopped work one day and never gone back.
It also broke my heart to discover two original sashes in good nick which indicate that some if not all the window replacements they'd done weren't necessary.

A more ruthless person might have got their solicitor to apply the terms of vacant possession properly and billed them for professional removal of all that carp but I ended up just piling our rubbish on theirs.

I guess I'll have to get another skip at some point...

 

[JoceAndChris]

Poor AMc! I'm amazed at the mixture of selfishness and delusion that makes people inflict their rubbish on others - that narrowness of understanding that makes people think that just because they're happy to spend hours fixing a broken object you will want to spend your Sunday afternoon fixing it too. We have stopped being polite to parents - now we say, very firmly, "no, we don't want your old rubbish. No, we'd sooner buy a new one". It's difficult with the previous owner as I'm friends with him but just this morning as it's collection day I've filled three bin bags with his rubbish, and this is a weekly event. If I count his weeds, hideous decor and overgrown, misplaced trees too then I could say pretty accurately that my entire life is dominated by clearing his crap. On the other hand he didn't destroy any period features, rebuilt the roof that was leakily wreaking its havoc and for that I forgive him everything.

 

[Flyfisher]

On this theme, did anyone listen to this programme on R4 last week? http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0103zpt

Even if we digitise our lives, there's still the issue of looking after the data if we wish it to be preserved. Or perhaps we don't. But imagine how interesting it would be to inherit a hard drive full of all the life-trivia accumulated by every previous owner of our period properties, with photos and videos of the people who actually designed and built them, the first owners, their decoration choices, their actual lifestyles. Admittedly, it would be of limited interest, but for those that were interested it would be an invaluable resource.

As for inflicting all our 'junk' on future generations, isn't that the business of museums, on which we spend millions curating collections of really quite trivial things? We throw our broken crockery away as worthless and so, presumably, did the Romans, yet we now value such items as historical objects that give us insights into how people lived a couple of thousand years ago, because there is limited other information for us to research and we have to piece together what few clues and artifacts we can find.

However, we are living in an age where all the minutiae of our lives can be recorded and preserved for posterity. We're no longer limited to passing on a few photos and letters, but what will future historians make of it all?

 

[philpjuk100]

Junk! when an apprentice in the early 60s the tea water boiler (burco) boiled dry and burned out,I "rescued" the tap from it and it has been in my "might come in useful box"ever since! the plastic tap on my water butt has just broken and the "burco" tap fits just fine!